Back when I was in college, my professor showed us some behind the scenes footage of Disney’s Tarzan during my character animation class. I forget who was doing the commentary now, whether it was a director or animation supervisor of some kind but he was talking about the scene in which Tarzan meets Jane for the first time. What he said really struck me. He said the scene was supposed to show Tarzan seeing someone like him for the very first time. How do you convey that sense of bewilderment, fascination and excitement on the screen? The man said he had to think back to a time when he went through the same situation of seeing someone like himself. He recalled the time when his daughter was born. The doctor put his baby girl into his arms and as he looked into her eyes for the first time, he realized her eyes were his own. He saw himself in her face. Later on, when the movie was released, he said to his daughter, “You know the scene in which Tarzan meets Jane? That’s not him look at her. That’s me looking at you.” The statement, the sincerity in his voice, the concept of such a connection gave me the chills, as if someone had poured ice water into my rib cage. That kind of statement reminds me of why I wanted to get into animation in the first place. I think being an animator would be beneficial to me in many ways. It would help me and help me to help others.

I’ve always wanted to move people, to change their perceptions and make them think a bit. People say I tend to over think but I believe that people generally tend to under think. It’s been said that you can trick people into learning by entertaining them and I believe that wholeheartedly. I’ve probably learned more through movies and music than through textbooks and tests. It just works out perfectly because I love to entertain and to teach and animation can do just that. It’s the best feeling when I can make someone laugh. It’s equally amazing when I can crack open their tiny little heads and let a little learning flow in and swell their skulls. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think my cartoon concepts will change the world. I am certainly no great artist nor am I the most brilliant mind but I do think that I’ve developed some pretty good ideas for a guy who grew up in the tiniest town of closed mindedness and I think I might actually be able to at least make people stop and reconsider what they’ve always taken to be true.

While I’d be helping people, I’d be helping myself as well. It’s wonderful when you can take something from your temples that has been troubling you and manipulate it into music or paint. It’s the catharsis of expression blended with the beauty of art. You’ve just taken something negative and turned it into something positive, something beautiful. You’ve gained control over those coarse concepts. Not only that but you’ve given them a presence that other people can cling to, that they can relate to. Misery loves company, yes, but mostly I suspect misery just wants to be acknowledged, to be validated, to have someone say, “Yes, I’ve been there and I understand. You are not alone.”

There’s just something about life and death that intrigues me. While I often focus on my affection for dead things, I also like life as well, although I don’t explore it as much as the former. One a side note, I think that’s another reason why I am obsessed with zombies. It explores my fascination with these states of existence (or non-existence). And as an animator, it is my job to bring characters to life. I am Frankenstein, creating my creatures with paper and pencils instead of nuts and bolts. The electricity that sparks a heartbeat comes from my fingers. It is immensely satisfying to start with nothing, to literally create a character from scratch, beginning with a blank sheet of paper and suddenly fleshing out a full figure. You give this nothingness shape, form, movement, emotion, character, life. When it’s all captured and given sound, you’ve just crafted something of your very own, a unique individual character that can be considered living and breathing and believable. That is, if you did it correctly. I won’t lie, it’s a bit of a power trip. Here, I’ve just created this thing that can walk and talk and do anything else I want it to do. And I want it to make people laugh. I want it to make people cry. I want it to reach out and entertain and educate. I want it to jump off the page and into the hearts and minds of the viewers. Animation is my tool to teach.

And not to take away from animation but this is also why I like writing. I can create characters on the page just the same as animation, only using words instead of lines. And writing is a natural part of animation. Without a story, it’s just things moving about. And as for me, I struggle with which path I should take. I realize I don’t necessarily have to choose one or the other, that I could do both but that seems like a monumental task right now. Trying to break into one or the other will be hard enough as it is. There are times when I think writing is the way to go but I think that’s just because I’m more comfortable writing. Although I have had no formal training, I’ve had enough practice over the years to know I can at least write decently. Animation, on the other hand, not so much. I am not nearly confident enough in my animation abilities to feel that I could do it for a living. It’s funny because sometimes I want to abandon my degree and pursue something I have not been officially taught how to do properly. I suppose that can only mean I just need to keep honing my crafts, working on animation until I feel good about it and do the same with writing.

No matter what I end up doing, I just want to make some kind of difference. I also want to be heard. For so long I’ve felt so silent and unknown. I want to be acknowledged. Throughout my adolescence, the misery that has been my muse has never been validated. I’ve never had anyone or any song or any movie tell me the way I feel is justified. I want to be able to give to others that acknowledgement that I was denied. I want people to know that it is okay to have feelings and to express them, to be sad and to feel crazy because we all learn and love in a different fashion. There is no wrong way to worry, no right way to regret. And while I give a voice to others, I want mine to be heard as well. I want others to realize who I am and what I’m about. I’ve gone mute and unnoticed for so long and I’m tired of being overlooked. I’m not necessarily looking for attention, just a little recognition.

Recognize who I am. See yourself in me.

Written By Brannon Jackson

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, Phase 2 Studio or the clients of Phase 2 Studio. Phase 2 Studio makes no representation concerning and does not guarantee the source, originality, accuracy, completeness or reliability of any statement, information, data, finding, interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented.