Sometimes, I think blogging is a lot like pooping in public.  Well, my kind of blogging, anyway.

For me, blogging isn’t so much about staying on top of pop culture or chronicling my crazy adventures with a wacky cast of characters that I call my friends.  In my case, blogging is very much like writing in a private, handwritten journal.  The things I post are deeply personal reflections of myself, ponderings on my thinking process and the way I behave around others.  Because of this, my writing often highlights my flaws.  Many people have trouble dealing with their demons but I welcome it.  I think it’s healthy.  If all I ever did was gloat about my graciousness, praise my positivity and congratulate my caring nature, I wouldn’t make much progress with my personal growth.  Nope, for me I like to explore the rather unpleasant aspects of my personality and put it out there for people to see.  And while most people handle their problems in private, much like how they defecate, I prefer to jump through life’s hoops and hurdles like I’m leaving the bathroom door open while dropping the deuce.  Although this is my method of expression, there are a few problems with my approach because, while nothing feels better than that after-the-flush feeling, the process of dumping out my depression isn’t too pretty.  And sometimes I worry that my open door policy might be a little too open.

With reality television being all the rage and everyone jumping on the blogging bandwagon, people are putting themselves into the public eye more than ever before.  And of these people, some are going to be more vocal, more opinionated and more outrageous than others.  These are the ones who rise above the usual “blah blogger” status to become an influential and outspoken voice for the masses.  These are also the ones considered “train wreck” worthy enough to acquire the most coveted positions on VH1’s Douche House.   This leads to attention, admiration and the possibility of entering the world of D-list Celebrity (hey, people take what they can get).  But there’s another side to the sensationalism.  While it’s nice to receive recognition, one could possibly attract the wrong kind of attention.  You never know who might fall in love with your “on air” persona or treat your blog like their own personal Bible.  You’re essentially giving people pieces of yourself, intimate parts of your person that others can connect with, which in turn makes them feel like they know you, and in some extreme cases, become infatuated with you.  It’s a scary thought to know you might have sculpted your own stalker just by engaging in a drunken ménage a trios on television or reciting your regrets on your blog.  But it happens.

When you think about it, it’s probably not the best idea to weave yourself into the World Wide Web.  Who knows who’s been saving your MySpace pictures to their computer, keeping copies of your blog entries or TiVo-ing your paternity test results on Maury. What’s even more worrisome is how these potential pieces of evidence might come back to haunt you in the future.  What if your stint on the reality show I’m a Slut! Get Me Out of Here! leaves a bad taste in a potential employer’s mouth?  What if your current boss catches wind of your words on your blog and doesn’t agree with your political views or your pick for the next American Idol?  These things, as major or minor as they may be, can influence the way a person sees you and judges you.  The possibility of inappropriate judgment coupled with the scary stalker situation makes one stop and wonder how much personal information should be shared online or on television because you just simply don’t know what will become of the information that’s been handed out.  Once it’s out there, it fills a permanent slot in cyberspace.  It’s probably best not to set yourself up for subsequent smear campaigns by being too radical or raunchy.  And please, do not make a sex tape!  It will come out.  Don’t think that the aftermath of a leaked sex tape is only relegated to the rich and famous.  Being a normal person does not exempt you from embarrassment.  If that QuickTime file of you and the gerbil falls into the hands of an ex-BFF or a jealous frenemy, everyone is going to see it, from your boss to your friends to your grandmother because, yes, even she has a Facebook these days.  Basically, if you film it, post it or publish it, it’s all future ammo against you.

Knowing this and knowing that I’ve spread myself all across the Internet does worry me sometimes.  I have to be honest, the thought of perfect strangers having full access to look into what makes the space between my temples tick freaks me out a bit.  And what if I became a famous author or animator?  I don’t feel too comfortable with so many people knowing my personal business.  I realize that I’m responsible for what I put out there but I never really thought nor intended for more than a handful of people to see my words.  So, does it mean I should start closing that bathroom door and squirt in seclusion or should I risk the possibility of public exposure and continue to display my dookie for the entire world to see?

When I think about it, I don’t fall into the category of a sex crazed super freak.  I don’t have to worry about the future fallout of my present pondering because I’m safe.  And I’m safe because I’m vanilla.  You will never read about my drunken one-night stands with pre-op trannies or find pictures of me passed out and splayed naked across the bathroom floor with my face in a pile of puke and my finger in my butt.  No, you won’t even find me talking smack about specific individuals.  It’s rare that I’ll complain about classmates or coworkers and even when I do, I never name names.  I mostly just talk about myself as I fumble through my life.  I fill my blog with my doldrums, not debauchery.  Hardly anything scandalous.  What I write about is the kind of stuff you’d find kept between the closest of friends or between therapist and patient.  But I don’t have a close friend to talk to and I certainly can’t afford a shrink so writing is my therapy.  And I just happen to share my therapy sessions with the world.  So, really, if someone I knew stumbled across my blog, I wouldn’t be too worried.  Sure, it would be a little uneasy knowing that someone from my real life was aware of my innermost workings but I think that’s to be expected.  It’s always unnerving being vulnerable, airing your dirty skid-marked laundry for the world to witness.  I might be uneasy knowing someone outside my blogosphere has read my crappy poetry or laments about loneliness but that’s about as far as my fears go. At least I can rest assured knowing that the content of my writing, however awkward or convoluted, will not damage my character.

If anything, I would hope that people would respect me for being so open and honest.  We live in a world where everyone is hiding.  We all cover up ourselves to a certain degree in order to fit in or to please others.  I am also guilty of such deception.  That’s why I write.  I do it so that I can uncover the real me, to find out who I am under all my years of falsehoods and layers of fakery.  I write to learn about myself, about the world, about love and life.  And I share my writing in hopes that people can see themselves in me, to learn from my mistakes as I learn from them, to see things from new perspectives.  And if I’m good enough, maybe I can be a catalyst for change in others.  So, despite the potential for public humiliation, I’ll continue to write in hopes of reaching others.  I’ll be as real as I can be.  And maybe instead of leaving the bathroom door wide open, I’ll just leave it cracked a little.  I’ll be a cautious crapper, continuing to write about myself while being a bit more selective with what I share.  Besides, I don’t want to give myself away entirely.  I have to keep some mystery to keep people coming back for more, right? But for as long as I’m able, I’ll continue to excrete enlightenment for everyone to enjoy.  At least I think I’m enlightening and I want people to enjoy it.  If not, at the very least I hope I can contribute to their commode time and give people something to ponder while pooping.

Written By Brannon Jackson

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, Phase 2 Studio or the clients of Phase 2 Studio. Phase 2 Studio makes no representation concerning and does not guarantee the source, originality, accuracy, completeness or reliability of any statement, information, data, finding, interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented.