Throughout college, the lump continued to inexplicably come and go. Unhappy with the lack of answers from my first doctor, I went to a few other physicians during my summer breaks in hopes one of them would have a definitive answer for me.

I told the first guy, a balding man with a bushy white beard, that I’ve had the pesky protrusion for about a year now, on and off. It has gotten as big as an egg and at its smallest it’s hardly noticeable but it’s never completely gone. I told him it didn’t hurt or interfere with swallowing. I didn’t feel bad or tired. I felt normal but I just happened to have a lump in my throat. I tried to play down the severity of the situation, not that it was severe in the first place but I suppose I was just trying to convey to him that I didn’t think it was a big deal and hopefully he wouldn’t either.

He lifted my chin and started squeezing the lump, which was in its large stage during this day. He poked it and rolled it in between his thumb and forefinger. He then turned off the lights and flashed a light on the bump. I’m guessing he was trying to determine whether it was translucent or opaque. As he was fondling the lump, he said, “Hm, this feels cysty.”

I thought to myself, “Cysty?!”

He asked me if I had any other lumps on my body in the instance that the lump might be an enlarged lymph node. I told him no but he started groping me anyway. Let me just say how uncomfortable I was with this stranger putting his old man hands all over my bare flesh. All my life I’ve managed to avoid anyone touching me anywhere so this exposure and exploration of my body was unsettling. I know he was doing his job but he should have at least warned me about where he was going. He grabbed my back, chest and armpits in search of any lumps or bumps. Before I know it, he had me lying down with his hands down my pants, centimeters away from my junk.

“Hope ya don’t mind, I’m gonna goose ya,” he said almost as an afterthought.

The doctor wasn’t too sure of what this lump was, just like the first guy. Is anyone going to figure this out? Is it really such a mystery? He didn’t seem too concerned, though, which soothed me a bit. As much as I tried not to worry about what was lingering in my throat, there was always the possibility that it could be something nasty. He recommended I see an ear, nose and throat specialist in hopes he or she would have a proper diagnosis for me. He also recommended I get an ultrasound of my throat. The last thing he said was that it should probably be surgically removed.

A day or so later, I had an ultrasound taken of the lump. It looked just like any other ultrasound you’d see of a pregnant lady, except in this case I wasn’t sporting a baby but a ping pong ball in my throat. After the photo shoot with my cyst was done, the nurse led me to the waiting room while she talked to the radiologist. She came in a few minutes later and said the radiologist wanted me to have a CAT scan to make sure there wasn’t anything else floating around in my gullet.

On the day of the CAT scan, a man came in and explained the process to me. He said he was going to have to inject contrast dye into my veins for the images to show up better. He then casually explained that in some rare instances, the dye could cause an allergic reaction and kill me right there on the table. He added he had worked in the hospital for twenty-eight years and no one has ever had a problem with the dye. I guess it was a bit reassuring but when you’re talking death, it’s reasonable for hesitation to set in. I signed the dye release anyway, thinking if I was going to go through all of this, I’d better do it right. As the man injected the dye into my IV, he said I’d feel a warming sensation in my ears, nose, throat, chest, stomach and possibly my butt. Sure enough, after a few minutes, I started to feel the dye as it spread throughout my body. It was kind of nice, actually, like my insides were being put into a warm bath.

A few days later and I get the results from the ultrasound and CAT scan: inconclusive. Really? The ear, nose and throat specialist didn’t help too much, either. Besides doing the usual prodding of the protrusion, he stuck a needle in the lump and drew out some fluid. The results? Inconclusive again. He also recommended that it be surgically removed but I wasn’t down with that answer. Not only was this thing slightly frightening but it was able to stump three doctors, doctor’s whose only answer was to go digging out the lump without fully knowing what it was they were dealing with. What if there was another way, another option? I knew my situation seemed odd but I really thought it would be a bit more common to the doctors, especially the guy who specializes in ear, nose and throat problems. I was wrong. And I was concerned. What was this thing inside of me? Was it benign or was it slowly brewing into something horrible? No one seemed to know and the shame of this unsightly lump haunted my thoughts and crippled my confidence. As much as I was tired of being tossed from doctor to doctor, I knew I couldn’t stop until I figured out what was going on with me and how to make it go away for good.

To be continued…

Written By Brannon Jackson

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, Phase 2 Studio or the clients of Phase 2 Studio. Phase 2 Studio makes no representation concerning and does not guarantee the source, originality, accuracy, completeness or reliability of any statement, information, data, finding, interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented.